dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
