Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
