Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
