so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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