Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
