Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
