I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
