Can i not drive my cunt home
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize