I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
