I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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