I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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