Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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