wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
