hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
