Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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