Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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