There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
