Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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