I just cut my nipple shaving
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
