I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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