I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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