I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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