I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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