How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
