he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
