turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize