...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
