I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
