can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
