My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
