Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my poor anus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
