I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
