dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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