Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
