Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
