She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
