Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
