i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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