He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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