I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
