So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
