just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
