You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
