@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
