No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They took my balls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
