i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
