I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
