Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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