She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
