dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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