it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
