Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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