Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
