So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
