Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
