my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
