Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
