Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I touched a dick in church today
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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