Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
someone owes me an orgasm
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
