whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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