Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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