I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
