Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
