I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
