Your dad touched me again.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
