Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
