moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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