forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
