Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
false alarm, still single
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
