Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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