Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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