How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
