I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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