dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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