he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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