I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
