Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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