I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
