I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize