So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
