I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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