Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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