We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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