Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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