THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
