She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
