Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
