drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
