I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
