my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How's work?
Spinning.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize