he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
