I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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