forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
