You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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