its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
