Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
