So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
