I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
