i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
