There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
