So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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