There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
