I got chris browned last night
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize