oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
