He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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