She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
