There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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