she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
