Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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