I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's always time for handjobs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
