I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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