thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
